What is it about a fart that is so disgustingly humorous? Is it the tone, is it the situation in which the fart happened? I'm not sure, but the sound of a fluff can make you smile and laugh.
Stephen had let rip one of the most smelly noxious farts I think I have ever smelt. It was so epic that I felt it deserved it's own blog space.
If toilet humour is your thing then read on. if not STOP NOW!
It all started about 24 hours ago, when Stephen overloaded his stomach with Mexican food, San Miguel and sweeties. Then Today the assault continued with an African sweet and spicy lamb stew that was topped with a suspicious egg custard, (all one dish) aptly named Baboti, followed by a half cooked crepe (made by a chav cretin) that was smeared with hard bottom of the tub peanut butter and squirty chocolate sauce. I then cooked a veg packed stir fry with egg fried rice. I also have to mention that prior to the food assault he ate chips that had been reheated twice and then microwaved with a burnt Cumberland sausage. So he was fully loaded and ready to blow and this list isn't everything he ate.
The caravan was cramped and hot but the bed was incredibly comfortable, we were lying in bed and I was drifting of into a light sleep when, I coughed a little because something caught in the back of my throat. I rolled my tongue around the inside of my mouth trying to decipher what I was tasting before I inhaled. The bomb had been dropped and I was a casualty of the nuclear mushroom cloud that engulfed our room. There are around 220,000 words in the Oxford dictionary and I cannot find one to describe that smell. I can only use smelling references it was like the bog of eternal stench crossed with a dead skunk. I gagged and ran out of the room choking on the noxious gas. Stephen just lay there rolling around in his own filth, he was sniffing it up whilst laughing saying, 'Jesssus tha's baaad, phew... that's really bad." It was the silent and deadly kind.
Now what is it with men and farts that they fell its necessary to grade the smell of a guff. The fouler and nastier the smell the better the grade given. This one would have won a trophy but he said it lacked skid marks. He wafted it for a while trying to escape the methane gas, he was both disgusted yet proud of his accomplishment. After several minutes I re-entered the bedroom. The smell still hung in the air, I shouted abuse at him for being so vile. He could have at least warned me, nudged me awake so I had time to get out of the drop zone. But his infectious laughter and glee transferred to me and the shouting turned into laughing as I told him how vulgar he was.
We played food Cluedo for about and hour trying to deduce what food dish was the culprit for the murder of my sense of smell I think it was the Baboti, with a name like that it had to be. I laughed so much that I accidentally played the musical trumpet too. It was one of those fluffs where you laugh and rasp at the same time, and the more you laugh the more you fart. The more you fart the more you laugh. Classic fart humour is the best.
Holidays are filled with special memories for a variety of reasons, our trip to Conwy Castle was breathtaking, standing on the turret at it's highest peak with no railings was scary. The day at the seaside when we were all alone building sandcastles writing notes to each other in the sand, but nothing is as memorable as the fart of all farts, it holds a repulsive bittersweet place in my memory banks.
Thank you my loving revolting husband for making me laugh till I pumped.
