If you could hear me Nan I'd say...

It's been 3 years but I can still remember the last day I saw you  like it was yesterday. You were in the hospice near the ocean wearing your blue dressing gown, you really didn't want to be there at all because you wanted to be at home.  You were smiling and waving at me and I was smiling back as I walked through the doors heading back to the car. In our hearts we knew we would never see each other again but we never said goodbye. I wanted to say so much to you that day. But we just watched the waves instead. I kept hugging you and smiling.

Your memory lives in the tears we cry today for your loss. You have left a hole in the hearts of your family.
I can't be at the graveside to honour your memory today with mum and the rest of the family so I'll do it with words instead of flowers.

If you could hear me now I'd say:

I loved you more today than ever before.
I was blessed to be your grandchild and that we are all keeping well.
Allana is growing up so big now, I wish you could see her. She is cheeky just like me and has your nose.
I miss the little sniffle you used to do.
I miss the smell of your home. I can still smell the soups and curries you taught me to make.
I miss your smile.
I miss your laugh.
I miss the way you used to fall asleep at parties after one glass of sherry.
I miss the way you always listened and never took sides.
I miss the fact you'd sneak me 50p to buy sweets.
I miss your famous Ice cream soda's.
I miss the way you used to hide letters from Mum and Aunty Pauline because they were con's you signed up for that I had to get you out of.
I miss the way you wouldn't take your medicine.
I loved you way you held me when I was in trouble.
Thank you for all the support you gave me.
I loved it when you'd tuck me up at night even in my twenties with a hot chocolate.
I loved eating your strawberries and raiding your pantry.
I loved they way you saved paper bags and elastic bands.
I'm sorry I was the only one missing at the end. Everyone was there apart from me.
I'm sorry I was so far away.
I'd say goodbye.

But most of all I'd tell you that you were one of the most beautiful  people I knew and I will never forget your kindness, patience and courage.

I Love you Nan.

x